The Qi of Tai Chi

Everyday on my way to work in South Africa, I would pass by a group of people practicing tai chi. While most of the students in my complex were fast asleep attempting to relieve their hangovers and life's stresses, five of them stood on the grass at an ungodly hour to do exactly the same thing only much more effectively. Each time I walked past I had the urge to join them. The only things holding me back were a reluctance to interupt their peace of mind, a fear that by just jumping in I would offend more than show my interest in the art, and an obligation of punctuality for my work.

I've never been drawn to martial arts, but tai chi felt different. Up until Monday I had never tried it, but whenever I have been stressed or tired in the last year I would practice fake tai chi moves of my own invention. It would always calm me down and make me feel more relaxed. So I was really excited to see what tai chi was actually like and not my made up interpretation of it.

To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure if it's the exercise for me. I think I'm going to have the same issue with it that I have with yoga. It's too slow. I like the meditation aspect of it and what little of the history we've been taught so far is really interesting, but there's something about the slow movement that makes me feel restless and agitated. I have come to realize that silence and calm are truely skills to be mastered. It's strange how the ability to not think has become a practiced art over time. That our society is so charged and restless as to need to practice just being. I think that's why I'm drawn to tai chi in principle and why I hope it will capture my interest in practice. I want to be able to purposefully be just present with myself and I think I've wanted this my whole life. When I was 13 I started learning about and playing with wicca. Part of it was because it was unknown and kind of forbidden...what 13 year old isn't drawn to that, but the part that I really enjoyed doing wasn't making love potions, it was the grounding and centering you do before any wicca practice. Just visualizing that you are part of a complex natural ecosystem and connected to everything that is around you. It is very calming and revitalizing. The sad thing is that I feel, as I'm sure many others do, that I no longer have time to take a moment to just be in the moment. Even worse than that, I can't think of what I do that is more important than that...