Grade 8 Homework

Dear General James Wolfe,

How are you, old friend? I heard that you got mortally wounded in that battler for Quebec and died on the battlefield after my army and I began to retreat. To tell you the truth though, I think this is just a rumour. If I know you as well as I did when we went to the "University of People Who Will Lead Famous Battles", then you probably got drunk after the victory and got alcohol poisoning, right old chum (as you would say)? Remember old Napolean? What a joker! Anyway, enough about the good old times, you probably want to know why I cam e out to meet you on the battlefield instead of waiting for reinforcements. Well, to tell you the truth, it was about honor. Yeah! I know, I'm a sucker for anything honorable. I know you're probably going to nag me for doing the honorable instead of the smart thing, but that's the way (uh-huh uh-huh) I like it. Besides, now I can say that if I had waited for back up I would have won and you can't deny it (nah, nah, nah, boo, boo). However, I must commend you on your tactics. IT was very smart of you to distract me on the Beauport shore while your real attack was at Anse au Foulon. My doctor says I have to stop writing to you and wait to die so I have to go now. I'll see you in the afterlife or where ever people who lead famous battles go.

Your friend,
Montcalm

p.s. If you did die in a blaze of glory on the battlefield then that's not fair because that's how I wanted to die: honorably. How dare you steal my death! You always stole everything that was mine. Remember Mary? I loved her. You're not my friend anymore

Naked Apes

Has anyone else read the 1960's classic, The Naked Ape? I just finished it a couple days ago. My favourite part was the advice he gave his readers for the next time we get pulled over by the cops, which I will now proceed to copy and paste below...

"If...an attitude of abject submission is adopted, it will become increasingly difficult for the police officer to avoid a sensation of appeasement. A total admission of guilt based on sheer stupidity and inferiority puts the policeman into a position of immediate domination from which it is difficult for him to attack. Gratitude and admiration must be expressed for the efficiency of his action in stopping you...Fear and submission in both body posture and facial expression must be clearly demonstrated. Above all, it is essential to get quickly out of the car and move away from it towards the policeman. He must not be allowed to approach you, or you have forced him to go out of his way and thereby threatened him...By leaving the car you therefore shed both your territorial rights and your dominant seated position, and put yourself into a suitable weakened state for the submissive actions that follow. Having stood up, however, it is important not to brace the body erect, but to crouch , lower the head slightly and generally sag. The tone of voice is as important as the words used. Anxious facial expressions and looking away movements are also valuable and a few displacement self-grooming activities can be added for good measure."

*sigh* it didn't start out too badly...

Side note: I went to the art gallery yesterday and learned how to weave. It's super cool and a lot easier/more time-consuming than I thought it would be. If I wasn't so lazy I think I might take it up.

I hate Fl

Fluoride always makes me hungry, but it also always makes me unable to eat for 30min...this is a problem.

Ahh the joys of childhood

I spent the morning/early afternoon/probably late afternoon organizing the attic with my mom today. Most of the time was spent going through my old school stuff and might I just say that I was a hilariously dorky kid. From comments on my grade 1 report card saying my teacher had never met someone who'd liked math as much as me to an elaborate description of a game called "boarding school" that I liked to play in grade 6 (actually for most of my life this was a fantastic game).

I was also struck by how perceptive my teachers in grade 1 and 2 were. They were able to observe things about me that I am only just realizing about myself. It's crazy how much of your personality is there at such a young age. I honestly wouldn't say I have changed that much from when I was 5. I suppose I've had a lot of pseudopersonalities since then, but really, aren't we all 5 at heart?

Today

It's hard to remember to do this when nothing interesting is happening in your life. I resolve that today I will have an adventure (and finish my visa application).